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The life of a freelance designer can be pretty hectic. A lot of people assume that because you work for yourself you can set your own work hours and have plenty of scope to make life easier. Any freelancer reading this will know that it isn’t the case. In most cases when you make the decision to work for yourself you find that you must put a lot more hours into your job than you would if you were being employed. This can place added pressure on your nearest and dearest.
I’ve read a lot of articles about striking that all important work/life balance. It’s a challenge that never ends, the fact of the matter is this: If you are self-employed the chances are that you love what you do for a living, which means the line between work and life can get blurred. How does this affect the people that make up your life outside of work?
In an effort to understand how my job affects my personal life I asked my fiancee to write a short letter, highlighting some of the problems that my job creates for her personally and us as a couple.
What follows is that letter. I’m not going to offer any sort of rebuttal or defend any of the points raised, as it contains her opinions on what it’s like living with me. To give you a bit of context there are a few things you need to know. I’m a graphic designer working full-time, as well as undertaking freelance projects outside of work. As part of my freelance activities I also maintain a graphic design blog. I have lived with my fiancee, Claire, for over two years now, in that time my freelance activities have grown and begun to take up more and more of my personal time.
Here is what Claire has to say about living with a freelance designer…
“When Ken asked me to write this article I have to admit that I cringed. He wanted me to be honest about what life is like living with a designer. To sum it up, it’s very different and at times can be a bit difficult.”
“If you’re in a relationship then there has to be a life style change for the both of you. When Ken and I started living together it was hard for me to adjust to his work life. I guess in the same respect it was hard for him to change his work habits around me.”
“If you live with a designer then your life can, at times, revolve around them. Let me explain what I mean. A designer has deadlines to meet, whether they’re freelance or not, they will always have deadlines to meet and depending on the client, it can take up a lot of time to meet their needs. This can mean that they don’t have time for anything other than work. Don’t expect much in the way of house chores to get done, as their attention is all focused on the job. The one thing Ken did do, when we started living together, was the cooking, purely because I couldn’t cook to save my life. So he taught me and now I cook more often. The thing is you have to let them do their thing and at the same time help them where you can.”
“I have a lot of patience and understanding now. More so than I did, but there are still times when I wish Ken would just walk away from that God damned computer for a while and spend time with me!”
“If you’re living with a designer then you’ll know exactly what I mean when I say, you can tell when they’re pushing themselves too far. You’ll also know how you can sometimes feel a little neglected.”
“It’s important to understand that none of this is done on purpose. Try to learn to be patient with them and talk to them on occasions. Don’t do what I did, which was burst into tears and start yelling “You ignore me, all the time!”. Apart from looking like a tit and making you both feel bad, it gets you nowhere.”
“Work is work and it needs to be done. My advice to designers is this: Don’t push yourselves so hard. Like Ken you’ll work yourself to the point where you just can’t work anymore and you’ll have no energy to do much else. Leaving someone else to do the things you’ve forgotten about. Learn to take a break and I don’t mean a five minute break, I mean a day off. Use that day off to spend time with that special someone in your life. They need you more than your clients.”
“When Ken and I first moved in together it took us months to settle down and balance our lives together. It’s to be expected. I’d say that right now we have almost the perfect balance. I say almost because let’s face it, no one’s perfect. There are still times where he works his ass off and there are still times when I wish he would just stop, but it’s a lot less now than it used to be.”
“To sum all this up into one sentence for both the designer and the person living with them, all I have to say to you both is this: All work and no play makes you both stressed, so try to be understanding and patient with one-another.”
Conclusion…
I’d like to say thank you to Claire for being so open and honest in her statement, as well as letting me share a part of our lives with you, the reader. I’m extremely lucky to have a partner that is so understanding and supportive. The main thing that has helped us to find our work/life balance is good communication. A skill that all designers have. In essence design is all about communication, it’s our job to define and transmit the correct messages on behalf of our clients.
My advice to all freelance designers is to make sure you use your communication skills in your personal life as much as you do while working. This is one occasion where having a part of your work life bleeding into your personal life will benefit you.
Have you ever stopped to ask how your busy schedule effects your loved ones? Has your job ever effected your personal relationships? Can you offer any insights into striking that all important work/life balance?
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Dimi A : Visit Dimi A's website & twitter
Posted at 16:36 on 22/2/10
Brilliant post, and love the honesty! I think everyone should read this and share with their life partners!
Thanks for sharing.
Antoine Guédès : Visit Antoine Guédès's website & twitter
Posted at 16:46 on 22/2/10
Original post.
I really do appreciate that. It’s true.
My girlfriend read the article too, and he did same.
Really nice post!
Giulia : Visit Giulia's website & twitter
Posted at 18:01 on 22/2/10
Oh, i can see myself sooo clearly in this post… Thank for writing it!
fernando melo : Visit fernando melo's twitter
Posted at 18:21 on 22/2/10
nice
Is the picture of my life. My wife is very patient now but… the beggining is hard. Everything got worse when i decide open my own studio.
7 years have been passed and now, with 4 kids i learn how to love and spend my time with the job and with the family, and everybody know that “dad need a lot of time this week; and he need silence to think”. lol
i luv u kids (and Cris).
Michal Kozak : Visit Michal Kozak's website & twitter
Posted at 11:26 on 23/2/10
Hi there Ken,
I’m as lucky as you are, my fiancee is very understanding. And what’s even more important for me – extremely supportive.
There are times when she has absolutely every right to be upset or demand more attention etc, but almost every time she suprises me – she’s offers her help instead. Asks what SHE can do, if there is anything that doesn’t have to be done by me but would speed up the whole workflow and helo to get it done quicker.
Can’t even imagine how hard it is for them, yet still they stay by our side.
Callum Chapman : Visit Callum Chapman's website & twitter
Posted at 11:38 on 23/2/10
We are very lucky that everyone sticks by our sides, it is a very demanding job. Me and my Fiancée are going through the several million stages of renting our first flat together, should be moving in mid-April. I’m sure it’s gonna take some time to get use to but shouldn’t have no problems in the long-run!
Glad you all like Ken’s (and his Fiancée’s) article
sarah : Visit sarah's website & twitter
Posted at 12:49 on 23/2/10
OH, that’s a nice post.
Now i want to ask my boyfriend what does he think
Ken Reynolds : Visit Ken Reynolds's website & twitter
Posted at 14:19 on 23/2/10
Thanks for all of the comments, guys. A big thank you to Callum as well for putting the article up on his site. I knew it would get read a bit more here, than on my own site. The article deserves to be read by plenty of people because it’s an issue that touches most freelancers’ lives to some degree.
I’m glad others were able to identify with the situation we’re in.
@fernando
I can’t imagine how much harder it gets when you have a family. It’s something I will have to tackle in the future I’m sure, but when I think about it now I do get apprehensive!
@ Michal
I’m with you on everything you say in your comment. I remind myself how lucky I am to have a supportive partner every time I receive a payment from a client, because I know I wouldn’t have it without all the things she does for me.
Callum Chapman : Visit Callum Chapman's website & twitter
Posted at 15:32 on 23/2/10
@Sarah: That’s an interesting point; what does he think? Maybe we could make an article out of that… “Living With A Female Freelance Designer” – should be interesting!
Steve
Posted at 17:48 on 23/2/10
I can appreciate Clair’s viewpoint much more now than I would have 2 years ago. I was in the same situation as Ken, running a startup, and you just take for granted that they will support you regardless, not really realizing how much you *need* their support and how much they need you to be there for them.
My situation ended badly with infidelity and we didn’t make it. So take this hard earned life lesson, take care of your woman(man) as a 1st priority, because there will always be work to do.
Thanks, hope this comes to mind when you start thinking your significant other is needy, pointlessly calling you, feeling moody, depressed, or being annoying. Guys, it’s a sign they love you, and wished you weren’t always working, for reals.
Laura : Visit Laura's website & twitter
Posted at 12:00 on 25/2/10
Wow this is quite a timely article for me. I’m only really started freelancing a few months ago, and already my girlfriend has been more than supportive. She’s a great communicator herself – she looks after children at risk – and I truly think she understands me better than I understand myself, knowing when I need time to work, think, and release stress. This article has made me think that I also need to be aware of her needs too. Thanks Ken and Claire for putting together a truly original article from a fantastic point-of-view.
Fernando Callo : Visit Fernando Callo's website & twitter
Posted at 14:04 on 25/2/10
Great article! it’s so true, now I’m alone but when I was with my ex girl it was difficult for her to reorganize her life according to mine.
I’ll share this post because is it so important and very useful.
Bye!
BTW, Callum how can I write for your blog?
Smiling Yogi : Visit Smiling Yogi's website & twitter
Posted at 0:08 on 1/3/10
Great article, and it says so much! One thing I’d like to add – if you’re living with a person who is completely immersed in work they love, let that inspire you to find your passion. If you are also fully engaged, you will grow together, neither leaning too heavily, nor taking on too much of the load.
Ken Reynolds : Visit Ken Reynolds's website & twitter
Posted at 9:28 on 1/3/10
@Steve
I’m sorry you had to learn a lesson in such a hard way, but the advice you give is right on the money.
@Laura
It’s a wonderful thing to take a step back a realise how lucky we are to have such support.
@ Fernando
Thanks for commenting and sharing. Like I said this is something that affects us all at some point, so it’s good to keep it all in perspective.
Marko Prljić : Visit Marko Prljić's website & twitter
Posted at 12:15 on 3/3/10
Now, Claire nailed it. I found it amusing how she talked about “us” designers like another species living among humans. Yes, have patience with us freelancers, we don’t work 9 to 5
Luis Fernando : Visit Luis Fernando's website & twitter
Posted at 12:15 on 3/3/10
Those things always happend to all designers (i guess). In my case, I called my girlfriend (we live together) to be my assistant and to help me to organize all my schedules. It’s just working a lot bettet than was before.
Later
David Silva : Visit David Silva's website & twitter
Posted at 19:50 on 4/3/10
Good post, Ken. My fiance and I have had this conversation before a few times before we had any trouble so we can both clearly see what we need from each other. She’s amazing and very supportive so we have been able to avoid any trouble, but this is great advice for anyone.
Ken Reynolds : Visit Ken Reynolds's website & twitter
Posted at 9:05 on 8/3/10
@ Marko
I sometimes think designers are another species! I guess it can sometimes feel like talking to aliens, always wondering if the message is getting through.
@ Luis
That seems like a nice solution to a difficult problem, can it make it harder to separate work and personal life?
@ David
Thanks, good communication is certainly the key, but having the vision to see the problem before it becomes one is always a bonus. Hopefully my thoughts will help others in this way.
bangladesh freelance : Visit bangladesh freelance's website
Posted at 16:46 on 24/4/10
I feel very much sorry to you,Ken!
But this is the reality of life!
We can’t escape from this!
As life is not a bed of roses,it’s rather a bed of thorne!
Thanks for your pretty sharing!
Always try to remember that sharing is caring!
IDG : Visit IDG's website
Posted at 20:30 on 17/5/10
I lost my girl by this reason!
I was not as much fortunately as someone of you, but it’s my way of life…
I must reconize I miss her, but even in this moment, I think my problem is still the same: too many hours in front of the computer. Never playing, always working, but I MUST LEARN to use better my time!
Thanks a lot to everybody, cause I can see it’s not only my problem; even if some of you are more intelligent and could move the situation to the balance point.
Regards from Barcelona.
Mike : Visit Mike's website
Posted at 18:48 on 21/5/10
Great piece. Will pass it on to my long-suffering girlfriend so that she may understand just a wee bit more.